Love?! Mr. Right?! Hmmm...

As I'm getting closer to my next surgery I'm finding that I am wishing and hoping for love to miraculously jump into my life. Today is the first day that I've made a correlation between the two... I just thought I've been single for so long that I'm getting tired of it, now I don't think that's the case.

After my last surgery my friends and family were incredible but I spent so much time just laying by myself, I miss the feeling of someone's arms wrapped around me, someone to hug me and kiss me and tell me how cute I look all doped up and looking like I'm in pain. I have the most amazing parents and family, my sisters are always here for me, my friends I can call at anytime. What I miss is the feeling of someone looking at me as someone they actually want to be with. I'm learning that I'm more sensitive than I thought and that even though I've always thought my life was very well compartmentalized it's really not... every aspect of my life influences other aspects of my life until it becomes one very tangled up mess.

I love myself the way I am and I've decided to share today the photo of my gross looking scar, and then I will elaborate more...

I've always known in my head that it is so important to be happy with myself before I can be happy with anyone else. I actually thought I understood this quite well. Now that I have gone through I period of not loving my body so much I have come to a bit of clarity. I have always been happy with my physical appearance, confident in my body, comfortable in my own skin... that is until all of this surgery stuff came about. Then suddenly I was embarassed about my body shape and the scar that I have so far, also dreading the next scar and deformed shape I'll be. I've based my confidence on my body and been very cautious to let people see the real me.

I watch sad movies and I get a lump in my throat but I don't cry... that's me

If you piss me off I'll tell you off and probably not regret it after... that's me

I work hard, play harder, and I'm not a fake that acts like I'm perfect or innocent, I'm not... that's me

If you accuse me of something I didn't do I'll do it just to prove you right and to spite you... that's me

I have a soft spot for animals and humans alike, I'll do anything for anyone I really care for... that's me

If you hurt me I'll hurt you back, then tell you how much I love you and how sorry I am... that's me

I always say "LIKE IT OR LEAVE IT"

In Marilyn Monroe's words: "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

I plan to wait (im)patiently for "Mr. Right"...

BUT if "Mr. Right Now" wants to cuddle me when I'm feeling down or after I have the next surgery - I'm down!  :-p  LOL!