Surgery #2 is Done!

So I had surgery last Tuesday and managed to get myself out of the hospital by lunch time. I woke up feeling coming fine and ready to move on out of there. Last time I felt pretty good after surgery, this time I felt even better. I tried this time to go into things calmly however of course the moment they wanted to do my IV I began tearing up and refusing it. I wound up receiving laughing gas in the operating room which calmed me enough to let them put my IV in. Once home I ate a full sub, snacked all day, had visitors, and overall felt great. The only pain I've had is where the hemovac tube goes into my body, other than that I don't even know where the incision was made, no pain there at all!

I've been fairly consistent with practicing Qigong and on Saturday spent 7 hours in a workshop for Qigong where the group circled me and offered a healing which I received well, just the feeling of having so many people wishing me well was a powerful moment. After my day of Qigong I had my nieces over for a sleepover, we went out for dinner, played games, went to watch my soccer game and stayed up late watching movies. It made me feel like life was normal for that 24 hour period.

All week I have been experiencing emotional highs and lows, being happy and full of laughter one moment and crying the next. I have treated some people wonderfully, others not so wonderfully. And strangely enough with all the love and support of my family, friends, soccer team, co-workers, I still somehow feel lonely, but I am trying to have faith that when I am ready things will fall into place on the relationship front.

I went to a social Sunday night and was brave - I wore a bra!! SO SO SO painful, but totally worth it to not have to display how awfully uneven my breasts now are. Again I will put up photo's once I am comfortable with this new shape myself. I looked in the mirror for the first time yesterday and was so sad to see what this has done to my figure. I know it shouldn't matter because I'm healthy and that is the main thing, but it really does matter a lot. It makes me want to cry when I see myself, but I will get over it, and I will be "fixed" physically eventually. For now I'll keep telling myself to love myself regardless of what I look like, my body isn't as important as my health.